Dartmouth: Ugh. Valentine’s Day. It’s just an excuse invented by big business to make us show our ‘love’ for someone.

Jollimore: I think Valentine’s Day is a reminder that there’s still true love in the world! And you get to eat lots of chocolates too!

Dartmouth: But the chocolates are so cloyingly sweet and sugary! And I always get so sick eating it!

Jollimore: Well, you don’t just have to give chocolates to your Valentine – you could also order a pizza together!

Dartmouth: Pizza’s tasty at first… Until you’ve eaten about five or six slices of it, then you start feeling sickly stuffed!

Jollimore: And after you’ve had a romantic candlelit dinner, you can go see a rom-com on TV!

Dartmouth: Argh, don’t even get me started on romance movies! They’re always so formulaic and cheesy! Ugh, the sentimentality just disgusts me!

Jollimore: But it’s always so great to see two people falling in love and living happily ever after! Don’t let negativity get you down, Dartmouth – life’s too short to complain!

Dartmouth: But life always finds ways to make mine a misery! And it feels like I can’t live a normal life sometimes! And- (a large heart-shaped box of chocolates suddenly drops down on Dartmouth, crushing him)

Jollimore: (chuckling) Well, that’s what he gets for complaining about the one day of the year we celebrate love.