Dartmouth: Here’s the day us teachers have all been dreading since the beginning of summer vacation. The day kids everywhere go back to school. Here comes the pain and stress again.
Jollimore: (chuckling at Dartmouth) Well, we all have a job to do – and that’s to teach. We’re not really doing it during the summer vacation – we have to have a good break like the kids do. And when we come back to school, we’re all refreshed and ready to take on the next academic year!
Dartmouth: But the struggles only resume the minute we sit back down at our desks and the lessons begin. We’re hauled away from our temporary respite during the summer back to the harsh realities of the teaching profession.
Jollimore: Being busy is a good thing, at least. Boredom’s bad for your mind.
Dartmouth: (suddenly snapping at Jollimore) You told me that BEFORE the summer vacation began!
Jollimore: (realizing) Ah yes, I did, didn’t I?
Dartmouth: But what’s worse than the returning stress of going back to school for teachers? The kids. The stupid kids.
Jollimore: They do have to go to the store to get all their school supplies beforehand. Pencils, pens, pencil cases, notebooks, rulers, the whole lot. So it’s a little stressful for them and their parents too.
Dartmouth: I meant when they ACTUALLY get back to school. The pain of summer vacation ending and the uncertainty of a new academic year means they start getting up to their old tricks again. Throwing paper planes, tossing desks and chairs over, having food fights in the cafeteria, spraying graffiti on the walls, and of course trying to kill me. Just this morning, a stupid kid sprayed “Dartmouth is a derp!” in huge letters outside my office. Ugh! First day back at school and already I’ve just received my first insult of the year!
Jollimore: (smiling) Ah, some teachers get that all the time. They’ve been much better to me though – they were overjoyed to see me again after vacation. I think they really love having me as their teacher.
Dartmouth: Well, my students certainly don’t. I show a lot more authority over them than you, Jollimore, but they do everything they can to force me out of power… including trying to murder me!
Jollimore: Now you don’t sound too far off from a dictator, Dartmouth.
Dartmouth: (sarcastically) Why, thank you very much for that compliment, Jollimore. Now the kids have an even better reason to kill me!
(A sudden gunshot just barely misses him by an inch, tearing some flesh off his hand)
Dartmouth: Argh, they overheard me! Here comes my pain again!
Jollimore: (cheerfully shrugging it off) Well, here’s to another year at Jenhamville Secondary. Let’s get going.
Dartmouth: (getting trampled on by a stampede of rowdy students) Gargh! This is why I never look forward to returning to teaching after summer vacation! This’ll be the worst school year ever!
Jollimore: (to the audience) Don’t mind him. He says that every year.